Music Blogs

So, good old Terry Wogan seemed more downbeat than ever at the end of the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night, despite being one of only three commentators at the event to get a name check during the proceedings. The downbeatenness was due to Britain’s performance in this year’s big Contest – we came last, in case you didn’t know – coupled with an increasing frustration at Eurovision’s infamously political voting, and possibly as a result of Terry having drunk that quantity of wine that sits somewhere between tipsy and all out sloshed – you know, the ‘why oh why’ stage.

It’s no secret that political voting – where countries automatically award top marks to their neighbours – has become the norm at Eurovision, and of course that tends to favour the Eastern European contenders [a] because they seem more prone to support them next door and [b] there’s a lot more of them meaning there are a lot more douze points to be awarded. Britain, who tended to always do OK at Eurovision, and Ireland, who had a habit of always winning, have perhaps suffered most as a result of the expanded Contest. After all, if the UK didn’t get an automatic place in the final (thanks to our financial contribution to the proceedings), it’s likely that we, like Ireland, would not have even been performing on Saturday night.

So down was Terry with it all, that after Russia’s win on Saturday night, and confirmation next year’s Contest would be in Moscow, he told British Eurovision viewers “I have to decide whether I want to do this again”, before adding “Western European countries have to decide whether to compete when they stand so little chance of winning”. Since Terry’s conclusions, a Liberal Democrat MP with possibly too much time on his hands has tabled a House Of Commons motion saying the BBC should withdraw the £173,000 it puts into the Contest because of the voting farce.

But surely such political voting has become as much part of the Eurovision thing as Wogan’s famously sarcastic commentary, and while it has put some of us older Eurovision entrants into the lower league, it’s not fair to say that political votes always decide the winner. OK, Russia and Serbia may have won the last two, but both Finland and Greece have taken the title since the arrival of the Eastern Europeans and their sneaky cartel voting. It’s harder for Britain to be victorious in the modern Eurovision, but I don’t think it’s a total impossibility.

Because here’s the thing. Terry seemed especially disappointed because he reckoned this year’s UK entry was good. I disagree, I thought it was rubbish. I’ve just made myself listen to it five times in a row, and I still can’t remember how it goes. Andy Abraham may have put in their performance of his life, but a rubbish song is a rubbish song. It may have not been the worst song performed on Saturday night, but at least most of the other rubbish songs had some of that Eurovision quirkiness about them, rather than just being the sort of thing you’d normally find on the b-side of some bland teen star’s second single.
   
The UK, despite having one of the most vibrant songwriting communities in the world, and a hugely successful pop industry, has entered a lot of rubbish songs into Eurovision in the last few years. The last one that I can actually hum was the Jessica Garlick performed ‘Come Back’ which, it’s worth noting, came third. Frankly, we’re just not trying.

Of course the problem is that we here in Britain have long loved Eurovision in an ironic sense, meaning most genuinely credible songwriters and artists worry about getting involved. And given our tendency to come last these days, big name songwriters and artists worry about the embarrassment of putting themselves forward only to be knocked down by a bunch of overly loyal to their own Eastern Europeans. But, that said, a number of genuinely talented musicians have expressed an interest in getting involved. I sense that the two things that are stopping them are the bureaucrats that manage the UK’s Eurovision entry, and the requirement to get over the tedious hurdle of the first stage where BBC 1 viewers get to pick which song goes forward to the main event.

I’d suggest sacking the current Eurovision team, bringing in some fresh talent, getting rid of the British heat stage, and securing some of the country’s best songwriting and performing talent – and sending in a genuinely good song performed by one of our best proper pop bands. A brilliant and cool song in itself isn’t enough, of course, France’s entry this time proved that, but with a bit of strategic thinking and the best of British on board, I reckon we could win over even some Eastern European votes come Moscow 2009.

And if we do and we don’t – well then I’ll join Terry in a chorus of why oh why oh why oh why.