Who's Got The X-Factor?
Posted Mon 16 Jun 2008 4:14PM BST by Johnny Famethrowa in Touching The Void
Famethrowa sees that Cheryl Cole has been confirmed as Sharon Osbourne's replacement presenter on the next series of the "The X-Factor", ITV's mainly dire pop mirror to the sack race of "Britain's Got Talent". Of course, we shouldn't be too rude about the show. After all, without it so many acts (well, one) and stars (five) would be lost to the British entertainment world, reduced to soft porn, singing under a hosepipe with a bad back on Clacton pier or forever tormented in the job centre at an opportunity blown.But then, with Girls Aloud and the emergent fame of Leona Lewis, Simon Cowell and co do probably deserve some credit and this looks like a dream appointment. Cole is a tabloid lightning rod and bad mouth for hire, seemingly the one member of the group with a future. Ok, so she can't sing but when did that ever matter? Once it was Nadine Coyle that looked like the solo strumpet-in-waiting but this role, balanced with Cole's own experiences of such contests, could really work out if she has a fling with one of the teen hunks on the show. Touché Ashley!
A couple of other candidates spring to mind. George Michael apparently wants to have a "quieter life" out of the spotlight, saying: "I think pop music should be about youth culture". Perhaps he could oversee the next generation of chart icons? But what sort of example does he set, occassionally releasing sh*t records and then getting arrested off his box with his trousers down, slumped at the wheel of some flash motor after crashing into a public loo? Anyway, what's he talking about? This ongoing "25 Live" world tour is the first time he's been seen in public for 15 years. It's over and he knows it. Next!
How about Robbie Williams? Lately, all he's doing is hiding from aliens in LA while morphing into Elvis Presley or Jim Morrison or perhaps both. But while there's no new music, there can be little doubt of his untouchable pop powers. Last week, Kerstin Fritzl, imprisoned granddaughter of Austrian monster Josef, came out of a coma and was asked what one thing she wanted to do. After years in a dungeon, without concept of light, sun, sea or the eight wonders of the world, her answer was simple. Go to a Robbie Williams concert. This man doesn't have The X-Factor. He's the messiah.
Today's Famethrowa's
New: Goldfrapp "Caravan Girl"
Old: Robbie Williams "She's Madonna"
