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Is Mark Ronson Real?

Posted Sun 6 Jul 2008 4:28PM BST by Johnny Famethrowa in Touching The Void
I'm beginning to wonder if Mark Ronson is actually real. Just over a year since the release of the microwaved plastic covers feast of  second album "Versions", he seems virtually unstoppable and truly ubiquitous. Having made his name as super-producer for the likes of Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse, the guy can't put a remix wrong, as 21st century pop's big-hitters join the queue to get coated in the Ronson creosote. But if you take a fine tooth comb (or just look at Wikipedia) to the man, you'll find his entire life is littered with extraordinary events.

As a kid growing up in the USA, one of Ronson's neighbours was Sean Lennon, son of John. He recently admitted that during this time the pair watched porn with Michael Jackson. Not many people can say that, unless they're giving evidence in court. More recently, his Christ-like achievements include "Thriller" mastermind Quincy Jones lauding him as "almost my son-in-law", reworking Bob Dylan and The Smiths without getting lynched and becoming the first ever non-singing act to win a Brit, despite being about as English as American pie.

Anyone with a passing interest in his recent antics will know he fits more star-studded, creative athleticism into one week than many manage in a lifetime. In a bid to prove this, Famethrowa has obtained the exclusive details of his diary from the last seven days, which show just how much of a grip Mark Ronson currently has on popular music and the world in general.

Sunday, June 29

Plays acclaimed set at Glastonbury Festival with collection of guest stars including Lily Allen.

Monday, July 30

Day off spent working on the new James Bond theme and deciding whose voice will adorn the music he has created for "Quantum Of Solace".

Tuesday, July 1

Continues work on the new Kaiser Chiefs album, telling the BBC he's turning them into the new Talking Heads.

Wednesday, July 2

Plays exclusive one-off show with Duran Duran at La Cigalle in Paris, after being asked to remix the pop icon's illustrious back catalogue.

Thursday, July 3

Warms-up for hip-hop don Jay-Z at the Wireless Festival in London's Hyde Park.

Friday, July 4

Joins crack SAS team fighting on the frontline in Afghanistan, wrestling control of key Taliban stronghold of Musa Qala.

Saturday, July 5

Brokers unlikely peace deal between President Robert Mugabe and bitter rival Morgan Tsvangirai in Zimbabwe.

Sunday, July 6

Dashes to Silverstone and wins British Formula One grand prix in torrential rain, despite being behind the wheel of a back-firing go-kart.

Monday, July 7

Day off watching "Hollyoaks" omnibus.

Today's Famethrowa's


New: The Verve "Love Is Noise"
Old: Dennis Wilson "River Song"
1 Comment

1. -
Maybe Mark ronson is a cover name for the return of Stock, Aitken and Waterman? Get the bloke in the photos who we all think is Mark Ronson as the 'cover star' - in reality, the bloke works in the Spud-U-Like, Camberwell. Nobody with a face that gormless and at the same time annoying could be so successful, surely? Meanwhile, Pete and the boys are sitting in the backroom with their patented remixing computer "Touch more horns on that one, Matt, and a bit less Lily Allen" knocking out remixes and productions faster than anyone can say "Jive Bunny".
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