Music Blogs

During my quieter moments, it's become common place to ponder the real origins of Joss Stone. It surely can't just be Famethrowa who has been in the pub of an evening and suddenly fled like a crazy bull, screaming the words "who is this awful woman?!" in the face of an arresting officer or tramp. History states she changed her name as a teenager (as you do), after being been born Jocelyn Eve Stoker in Dover. But I think what really happened was very different. Namely that she entered the world as Chevette Las Vegas and was raised under the boardwalk on Santa Monica beach.

The latest evidence of this unlikely theory emerged today when the British press claimed Barack Obama has asked Stone to write the official song for his campaign to become America's first black President. "Joss is a big supporter of Barack Obama and was very excited to be asked to do this for him. He sent a personal message asking her to get on board", a 'source' explained. "He has always admired her music and thinks she is the perfect choice because of her unique appeal to black and white voters."

Clearly any sort of positive message would be better than the "outrageously offensive" song put forward by Ludacris last month. "Politic As Usual", the blundering rapper's clarion call for an Obama victory, was totally dismissed by the Democratic candidate's camp, after claiming John McCain, his Republican rival, does not belong in "any chair unless he's paralysed" and calling President Bush "mentally handicapped". But seriously, can Joss/Chevette really be the answer?

Can you imagine Gordon Brown announcing Britney Spears will write Labour's election track? Actually, that could happen. Or what if Bruce Springsteen was asked to soundtrack David Cameron's inevitable ascension to Parliament heaven? No one would go for it. The only reason Obama has approached the fake Devon rose is because she's American and all she wants now is to take his side as First Lady. She spends nine months of the year in the US anyway and we all know what happened at The Brits last year. Watch that harrowing clip again now and tell me the disaster in the vomit dress is Joss Stone and not Chevette Las Vegas.