The Freaky Teeth Who Loved Me
Posted Wed 17 Sep 2008 6:04PM BST by Johnny Famethrowa in Touching The Void
Fair play to the Oasis leader, he's been through the rock mincer in recent days, what with being walloped into a champagne supernova in the sky by that mean Canadian bloke. But surely he must have suffered a bang to the head during his emergency stage dive with this implausible idea. "They haven't got very Bond-esque titles, so I would have to tailor the title accordingly", he told the NME. "The latest one that I wrote, I listened back to it thinking, 'f*cking hell man! That'd make a f*cking great Bond theme'. But it's called 'Freaky Teeth'. Now, unless there's a James Bond film that comes out in the next ten years that's very, very psychedelic..."
Let's face it, this sounds completely awful. I think even Famethrowa would refuse to play James Bond in a movie called "The Freaky Teeth Who Loved Me", let alone Daniel Craig. Back in the real world and the aforementioned White has reacted with the sort of fury that once saw Von Bondies singer Jason Stollsteimer grow a second, bloody face with the leak of a tossed-off 100 second segment of his Alicia Keys duet "Another Way To Die". All consuming beverage behemoth Coca Cola has released the ad for its rebranded Coke Zero Zero Seven, unveiling Jack's sacred creation to the world under the suspicious auspices of a fizzy pop commercial.
"Jack White was commissioned by Sony Pictures to write a theme song for the James Bond film 'Quantum Of Solace', not for Coca Cola. Any other use of the song is based on decisions made by others, not by Jack White. We are disappointed that you first heard the song in a co-promotion for Coke Zero, rather than in its entirety", a statement released on behalf of the star reads. Publicity is publicity but you can't blame him for having the hump. At least Noel will be pleased, judging by his reaction to the song. "It's a bit of a piss-take that the greatest British agent of all time has to be soundtracked by a bunch of f*cking Americans", he offered. It really is a mystery why Oasis have never made it in the USofA.
