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There are a series of posters pinned-up across the leafy enclave of Hampstead, emblazoned with George Michael's greying, stubbly, cross-eyed and knackered face. But these are not billboards promoting his recent ‘farewell' world tour. Instead, they read: "IF YOU SEE THIS MAN, CALL THE POLICE AND RUNAWAY SCREAMING". The locals are, naturally terrified. Should they be on foot, taking a peaceful stroll to Parliament Hill, the summit of London, it seems there is danger in the bushes. Or crossing the road to visit the butchers, who knows if it could be HIM at the wheel, all smashed on dope. God forbid they might be caught short and have to visit a public toilet.

Ok, so Famethrowa may jest a little about the whole villainous local reputation, but really, what has this man got to do to be treated like the flagrant, irresponsible and (thankfully) comical criminal he's become? Let's not get all right-wing about his arrest in a lavatory near Hampstead Heath on Friday, but quite how he escaped prosecution is beyond me and many others, some of whom are, as they say, "outraged". Naturally, George is really sorry. "I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again, and to promise them I'll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them." Yeah, these antics are getting as boring as 99% of your music.

The former Wham! star has quite a criminal record now: April, 1998, arrested for "engaging in a lewd act" in a public toilet in Beverley Hills and given community service. February, 2006, arrested for possession of Class C drugs. May, 2006, allegedly found slumped at the wheel of his car at traffic lights in London. Later questioned by police following apparent collision with three cars. October, 2006, cautioned for possession of cannabis after being found unconscious and blocking traffic in London. May 2007, escapes prison sentence and gets community service and two-year driving ban after admitting driving while unfit through drugs.

Friday's incident saw Michael cautioned for possession of Class C and Class A drugs. According to the Home Office, the letter is punishable with up to seven years in prison, an unlimited fine or both. One former QC, Keith Matthewman, called the police's decision "appalling". Conservative MP and former Party Leader Iain Duncan Smith says they have again failed in their duty, citing Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse, and demanded a prosecution. A few months ago, George told the world he now wanted "a quiet life". Well if that involves getting nicked looking for sex in public loos while high on crack, perhaps it might be safer for everyone if he just resurrected his dismal pop career instead.